Breastfeeding Over-hyped?

Yesterday I started seeing posts about the benefits of breastfeeding being overstated and I felt compelled to comment on it. I didn't because my view would be radically different from the source's (something about eyeballs not being over-rated so therefor the benefits of breast milk are just as important). I honestly feel like I come from both sides of the issue but because of that I'm very annoyed with the lack of understanding both sides have for the other. I am in no way a doctor, I did my research though. Still, this is purely my belief as a regular mom and as a person who likes to practice critical thinking.

I went to the classes, I read up on it on my own. I knew to expect it to be difficult for the first couple of weeks until we got into our rhythm. I fully intended to breastfeed for three years if that was how long my child wanted to breastfeed for, the longer the better! Anybody who thought I was weird was the real weirdo--after all, breastfeeding is literally what breasts are for. It's only our society that's perverted breasts.

I have been breastfeeding for six months now. Actually, I've been supplementing for almost as long. I pump regularly throughout the day and then we feed him formula when the breast milk isn't enough (which it rarely ever is). I started out determined to get him off formula, even two months ago I was still talking about getting back to exclusive breastfeeding.

I made another post about how I hated breastfeeding when I was five weeks in. Nobody really read it, as far as I was concerned it was just a way for me to vent my personal feelings about the subject.

So what does this have to do with the benefits of breastfeeding? With how true or untrue it is that they've been over-hyped? It's that I've come from both sides. I know what it's like to believe heart and soul that breast is best and that you want to give your baby nothing but the best, I also know what it's like to think you're going to have to give up breastfeeding and the feelings of failure and fear of stigma that go along with it.

Do I personally believe the benefits have been over-hyped? Absolutely. There are unhealthy children who are breastfed just like there are healthy ones that are formula fed. There are plenty of intelligent people who were formula fed as a child and there are plenty of children bonded to their mothers despite the fact they were on formula from birth. I can speak from experience saying that when I was still nursing it got to the point where I thought I'd have to stop because I felt such strong anger and frustration at my child, I remember trying to shove him off on my husband every chance I got because it was making my skin crawl to have him touch me because of how horrible breastfeeding went. Not because I didn't love my son, if I hadn't loved him I'd have given up breastfeeding as soon as it started to get rough--but because I had so many negative feelings from breastfeeding him that it was starting to affect how I felt about him in general. I'd planned to have this wonderful, beautiful experience where we struggled at first but once we got it then we'd have all these wonderful, sweet times together with me feeding him and us just sitting there in a loving haze.

Instead I got sharp, shooting pains in my wrists, even my wrist that previously hadn't been all that affected by my carpal tunnel that I had pre-pregnancy, or by the couple falls I had during pregnancy. Instead I got me sitting in the hospital with my baby screaming and crying while I wasn't on my painkillers for some crazy reason and my husband having to sit there and watch while I tried to get my son to latch and I just cried and cried. I went to lactation support groups and they made it seem so easy to get him latched, but I never could seem to work out the dynamics by myself of how to get my boob that was as big as my baby's head (and my baby was born with a large head in his own right) situated to where I could slip it in right when he opened his mouth--more so because my boob made it to where I couldn't even see if he was opening his mouth. Instead every day I cried at my husband "I don't want to breastfeed anymore!" and every day he told me I could give up because it was making me so miserable and I refused because I wanted to give my child the best and I didn't want to be a failure.

And to be fair, I had great support. Brookwood hospital has a great lactation support team and free support group meetings to mothers, which I attended a few times Honestly, I could have attended them more but at first I was in pain from the c-section and then I just got to where I let my social anxiety get the best of me (especially coupled with feeling like a failure and a freak because I hated breastfeeding). I had a husband who was supportive, getting up with me in the middle of the night every two hours to help me try to get my baby to stop fighting and nurse properly. I had doctors who not only first told me to go ahead and supplement with formula and that that didn't mean I'd never breastfeed exclusively but that with big babies sometimes your body just has to play catch-up to their needs. Doctors that still praise me for the fact that I still pump and give him at least 10oz of breast milk a day (generally more) and tell me he'll still get benefits from what I'm doing.

My son has never had to go to the doctor for anything other than a regular check-up, he's had one semi-cold and even then it was mild so I wasn't totally sure he was sick. And I had a very bad cold at the time. Do I think breast milk had anything to do with how healthy he is? Absolutely, I do. But he is not breastfed exclusively, and many resources online make it seem like if a drop of formula touches baby's lips than it's a lost cause. When I try to look up what benefits my child can expect to get since I'm supplementing I can't find anything beyond "Your exclusively breastfed baby" and the research is just not there.

Do I think breastfeeding helped us to bond? I have trouble buying that one, if anything I think it could have left us worse off than if I'd just formula fed from the get-go. I LOVE my son, don't get me wrong... but I honestly, truly resented him for fighting me when I was trying to give him the gift of breast milk. Not only for fighting me, for injuring me so badly that I was afraid I'd never be able to do hair as my job again, possibly taking away my ability to earn money to make sure he has everything he needs and some of the stuff he wants. I kept telling my husband I wanted to quit, that the benefits couldn't be worth the negative feelings I was having, that Wiley deserved a mom who wasn't making herself crazy trying to feed him and not wanting him to even touch her. At first I'd cry and say I wanted to get to at least six months breastfeeding, then three months, finally I accepted I had to take it a day at a time or else I'd give up completely.

About two months in we managed to procure a hand pump for me to try to pump milk with on occasion so I could try to increase my supply and occasionally give my wrists a break from fighting him. More and more it turned into me pumping before it was time to feed him so that I wouldn't have to actually nurse him, I hated it so much. While the hand pump still wasn't great for my carpal tunnel, it was better than fighting an overly-strong newborn. It was still a lot of a struggle, very time consuming and very depressing, I still struggled to want to do it and had to take it one day at a time. I still nursed him regularly because I didn't want him to forget how to nurse completely, but I avoided it a lot.

Finally we got an electric pump. I don't recall how soon after getting it I stopped nursing him, but eventually I gave up somewhere after three months. Actually, I tried again at about four months or so and even the other day, but Wiley has lost the ability to nurse and it just left me feeling like there was something wrong with me. Do I miss it? Somewhat. Sometimes he and I would have a good go at it (very rarely) and I missed those, I missed the times in the hospital when I'd nurse him 'til he fell asleep and then stare at this beautiful, wonderful miracle I just made.

I had tons of support, but I could still never get exclusive breastfeeding to work for me. Do I think it was totally impossible? No, I hope if I have a second child someday to exclusively breastfeed them, I pray they might not be such fighters and that I have the wisdom to seek all avenues of help much, much sooner.

I guess a lot of this is a me rambling and somewhat a tangent. This is my point:

The problem with the current way breastfeeding propaganda is being handled is that it's mostly all or nothing. Information out there is only for exclusively breastfed or exclusively formula fed (and a lot of that has to do with the fact that good research is hard to come-by. You can't tell women to exclusively breastfeed or exclusively formula feed in order to conduct an unbiased study. You have to take in factors such as the socio-economic status of the mothers and various other things.

 As I previously mentioned, one of the pro-breastfeeding people I saw posting about the possibility of over-hyping the benefits tried to compare breast milk to eyeballs. Ok, if you want to use that comparison, some people have eyeballs but still cannot see, so it should stand to reason that some women legitimately cannot breastfeed and currently the pro-breastfeeding propaganda hurts them. I know women who legitimately could not breastfeed. Perhaps a better comparison would have been breastfeeding to hearing. Some people aren't able to hear on their own, nobody thinks less of them for using hearing aids. Is natural hearing best? Probably, at least more convenient, but sometimes it's just not feasible.

Granted, this person wants people to realize how important breastfeeding is so that more people can seek out resources to help them (like how I had the lactation support groups) and if they legitimately can't then they can get donor milk (a great option, I never looked into it because I assumed formula would be a temporary solution, and I also was managing to produce some milk). Still, many women are iffy about feeding a stranger's milk to their babies, and while I would encourage them to re-consider (after all, in human history nursemaids were a norm, not giving your baby formula), I can't honestly believe formula is so terrible that they should be made to feel bad for feeding it to their child. It's a great option for women who breastfeeding didn't work for for whatever reason.

Our first week home with Wiley we messaged a family member asking if they'd mind bringing us formula. That family member told my husband not to let me give up on breastfeeding and that I just needed to relax. Relaxing wasn't my problem (especially at that point, I wasn't yet to the skin crawling stage), I still had high hopes that I'd be able to quit supplementing and exclusively breastfeed and that we'd get to that point where breastfeeding was the beautiful thing I dreamed it would be. My husband responded explaining that his doctor had told us to supplement but we didn't get a response and within an hour we'd asked a friend if she'd mind bringing us formula (and thank God she did, it was such a big help).

That's the problem with the hype on breastfeeding, it's considered so much better for the child that people would tell me to ignore the doctor's instructions because god forbid I use formula. That a well-meaning person's logic would say that it's better for my baby to be hungry and miserable instead of being given formula in addition to my breast milk. That I should feel like I'm a failure or not as good of a mom simply because I never could catch up to my large baby's needs, even though he's healthy and happy.

I know some of this is in my head, partially because I was sucked in by the pro-breastfeeding hype myself. When I pull out formula in public I wonder if people are judging me as a mother, not even realizing what I've been through. I am in the middle, neither an exclusive breast or an exclusive formula mom. I wouldn't still be pumping at six months if I believed that all the benefits are completely hyped. After all, imagine having to pump every three or so hours, on top of taking care of your child and feeding him while also washing double the bottles (because after he gets breast milk we give him formula, usually in a different bottle just so it's ready to go). When we go out I pack a bottle of breast milk, a spare bottle for formula and then I have to pack the formula (which up until recently was a 1lb container I carried with us), I generally pump right before leaving the house and often will take the pump with me or rush home because of how sore my chest is after going hours without pumping since I don't have the benefit of just being able to nurse him wherever I'm at. We had to locate water to mix the formula (once we were out at Railroad Park and they were having a special ticket-only event right by where the one water fountain in the whole park was. We had to ask the security guard to let us go through so we could get water in order to feed our baby, sweet guy said yes). Supplementing includes the worst and the best of both worlds, but it is not easy.

I'm not complaining, I'm thankful that I'm able to do both. But arguments like "are eyeballs over-hyped?" are not only weak, they're exactly what makes the formula crowd resent the breast crowd. This all or nothing mentality makes people feel like they have no choice but to give up and makes them feel like failures when they should be commended for even trying. Even if they didn't try, even if they decided to use formula for whatever reason (because of a medicine the mother was on or whatever), they made the choice that was right for them and their baby. At the rate I was going, my sanity was being compromised and that wasn't good for me or my baby (or my family in general). When I gave up feeling like I had to do all or nothing I did so much more for my son. Instead of breastfeeding for only two months I'm now at six months and currently wondering if I want to continue pumping or if I'm ready to switch to just formula. Since I told myself to take it one day at a time I've enabled myself to go for much longer. Even now, there are times when I'm sore and don't like to hold the baby because his wiggling hurts me and I think "Well, maybe it's time to give it up" but I keep on because I have no expectation of myself and no goal that seems impossibly far-off to reach to. I honestly can see myself making it to a year with this mindset.

And I know the pro-breast group feels victimized too, I remember worrying about when I got to the point that I might try nursing in public. Being treated like a pervert for feeding their child in public or for nursing past a year. Breast is ideal, but it's not best for everyone. It should be accepted and encouraged but I believe both sides would do better to support one another and try to understand one another. Nobody should be made to feel shame for feeding their child, be it because they have to nurse in public or because they felt like formula was the best option for their family. Breast milk has a lot of benefits, benefits I value for my son and truly believe in. However, there is a tendency to over-hype these benefits and I do believe it can do more harm than good. Well meaning people say things that just don't make sense and both sides feel misunderstood, victimized and alienate others. The information about the benefits should be easily accessible, as well as ways to get the great support I got, but you shouldn't have to rely on overblown facts to get that. Breastfeeding is great and deserves these things in it's own right, it doesn't need hyped up facts to make it more worthy.

The Preserve

Going along with the trail talk I thought I'd post about our trip to the Preserve in Hoover, AL. I grew up on the other side of the land now known as the Preserve, though at the time it was just "the woods." I would go in and explore the woods and walk on this trail that they built when they constructed all these power lines at one point. I used to take my dog Mister and wander.

The Preserve is part housing development, part nature preserve. As ridiculous as that seems to me, it is a very pretty place. Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot of photos of it currently. When we went it was still snowy in places and slick in others. It's up in Bluff Park, which is a pretty hilly place, so some hills I was afraid I was going to fall down (I even almost did--that same hill I watched some guy run down... thanks guy for making me feel like a loser).

I packed a back-pack instead of his diaper bag and Patrick wore him and off we went. At first we checked out the boulder fields, which are a popular spot for rock-climbing (not that I've ever done that), but they're also just pretty to look at.

Lupe had to be put up there.

Unfortunately the climbers there that day were staring at us like we were weirdos, I don't know why. I mean, I'm guilty of staring at them while they climb, but that's just because I'm impressed (especially at these people who can climb up a rock wall without rope and barely any cracks to grab onto). So we moved on from here pretty quickly. 

Still the boulder fields.

After that I didn't want to go further down-hill so we struggled back up the slick hill we'd gone down and went over to walk on just a simple trail. I didn't really get any photos of it, though. It was nice but we got to another slick spot I was nervous about and decided it was best to turn around as it was right above a hill.

I did get this photo of Wiley being fed while walking on the trail, though.

Once spring hits I look forward to us getting back out there and really having fun now that Wiley is bigger and seems to enjoy the sights on the trails we're on.

Railroad Park

Railroad Park at Sundown

Railroad Park is probably one of me and Patrick's favorite places to go for walks. During the warmer seasons they have a cafe, they have bathrooms and it's a beautiful view of Birmingham. We're hoping this year we'll be able to get down to see a Barons baseball game at Regions Field, I can't wait 'til Wiley is old enough to enjoy going to games. But for now we enjoy walking around the park.

We started to go to Railroad Park the other day when Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler came on the radio, that song always reminds me of my dad since my mom told me the song made her think of him. We were just about to pass the exit to the cemetery both sides of my family are buried at when I asked Patrick to turn and go there instead. We stopped by and after getting lost (it's a gigantic cemetery) I managed to find both my father's family and my mother's father (whose family is originally from St. Louis, MO). My family might be the exception, but we get photos at our family grave site There's a photo of my brother and I sitting on the family headstone as kids, so I insisted on getting Wiley's photos with headstones. Partially because these were the men he was named after. I also insisted on getting Wiles on the family marker, though we'll have a re-do when he's older.

Surprise, Lupe is with us again.

After that we headed on to Railroad Park, where I realized I'd forgotten to get a picture I'd wanted to get at the cemetery. The sky had been really pretty and I was hoping I could get Patrick to lift Wiley up to it and I could take a photo from below of Wiley's face with the sky as a backdrop. We tried it at Railroad Park but I only had our cell phone cameras and by that point it was too dark. I did get some other pretty photos, though. 

You can see the moon up in the sky, too.

Patrick is lucky that I'm reasonably good at photography. His attempts at pics with me weren't quite as good. I'm not going to post all the pics because most of them look like this and it'd be silly.

Ok, this one wasn't the worst.

"You guys are embarassing"

I'm sure in the upcoming months we'll have more pics showing off just how great Railroad Park is. Especially as he gets old enough to play on the playground and run around and explore things.

Irondale Furnace Park

The furnace ruins.

So since I posted about Jemison Park I thought I'd post about some of the other trails we've been on recently with Wiley.

One of our favorite trails is the Irondale Furnace Park. When I was a kid I was the "little sister" of a Big Brothers, Big Sisters duo. One of my favorite "Big Sisters", Katheryn, had family that lived up in Mountain Brook. I remember going over to their beautiful home (even more beautiful because her mother was a fantastic gardner--I mean, she did landscaping type stuff for a living). I also recalled them taking me to a trail that lead to an old cannonball factory. They sent me off to hunt for pieces of cannonball and we let her dogs run free. I kept that memory and mentioned it to Patrick, tried looking up directions but couldn't really find any since I didn't know what the park was actually called. I thought I could find it so we tried driving through where I thought it was, but we got lost (and I get car sick easily so getting lost in Mountain Brook is the worst). Finally, after searching online several times I found actual directions to get to the park (sadly, it's as easy as looking up Mountain Brook's website with their parks and trails--but since I didn't know the name of the trail it didn't automatically pop up with that sight when I was trying to look). The first time we went I was about 8-9 months pregnant with Wiley, it was mid-July and burning up. We went early in the morning to be able to even tolerate the heat. I have no idea how I managed walking this trail as pregnant as I was, but I did.

The entrance to the park our first visit.

It's a very beautiful trail beside a creek with houses on the other side (I'm sure on both sides, but you only really get a good view of the beautiful houses whose backyards go up to the creek).

Near the entrance.

I want to say this trail is about a mile one way, but I'm not sure right now off the top of my head. So after Wiles was born I had had the c-section and had to give up all of the wonderful walking and swimming I was doing because I hurt so much and wore out so easily. Then it got cold and I don't really have the right clothes  and right now we don't have the money for new clothes for the cold so I tend to hide away inside. Finally, on a pretty, warmer day we managed to go back.

On the trail

We like trails also because our poor dog doesn't get walked as much as she should, but she loves going on walks. So it's cheap, healthy and a way to get some of Lupe's energy out.

Everybody but me in front of the ruins.

Wiley looks un-impressed because he'd been eating before this.

We have had a bit of issue with people letting their dogs run loose on the trail. Not so much the people who have their dogs on the trial (who for the most part have been good and friendly. We'd let Lupe off-leash if she didn't try to act all tough when other dogs were around), but the people who own houses right at the end seem to let their dog loose and we've had to deal with a dog running down their hill barking at us and then both times the dog followed us (I don't even know that they were the same dog, but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt it is). I mean, if I lived right by a trail like that I'd at least have an electric fence to keep my dog from following some strangers home. 

We got there about an hour before sundown.

It really is a beautiful trail, though. It's also very easy (hence why I could walk it at 8.5 months pregnant) and I think it's going to be one of our regular go-to trails.

Most importantly, Lupe approves.

"Approved!"

Wiley's 5 Months Plus Snowpocalypse '14

So recently we had a winter storm come through and totally knock Alabama around. It was right at the end of January and it was a major pain to a lot of people. We're very thankful that it was nothing but pleasant for us, but our hearts go out to those who were negatively affected. Luckily my husband doesn't work far from home and his manager closed the school after it took him hours to make it back to his home (that was less than a mile away, from what I understand). So we were all safe and sound at home, with our pets, just enjoying the snow.

Alabama rarely gets snow, so when I first saw the few flurries coming down we ran outside to get photos with Wiley in it. People around here still talk about the blizzard of '93, which was where we got about 12"... but generally we get snow that melts away in a few hours (if it sticks at all). After it stuck and finished snowing we did what any snow-deprived southerners would do, we promptly layered ourselves and Wiley up and went out in it.

Two pairs of pants!

We decided to walk around our neighborhood and began debating if it was safer to take Wiley in our Ergo or in our stroller, finally deciding on the stroller (because at least if we fell down the stroller would stay up). What made this snow as debilitating as it was was the effect it had on our roads, sheets of ice underneath snow that cars and people slid across. I almost fell at one point and had to have Patrick help pull me to a safer spot.

Our dog is so funny, she HATES water but LOVES snow. Any other form of water, even if it's barely misting out, you're trying to torture her and she will look the most pathetic. In snow she runs around like a maniac and has a blast. It's so fun to watch her, I can't wait 'til she and Wiley can run around in it together. 

The aftermath.

We got Wiley out of the stroller after awhile and let him get closer to the snow, unfortunately he's still too little to really appreciate it. That and he doesn't have a pair of gloves that fits so he could actually grab at the snow.

First snow!

Actually, we had to struggle to find shoes that fit him, too. We have yet to buy a pair of shoes for him, I don't see much point to them. I mean, babies aren't walking. And when they are learning to walk shoes seem to be a hindrance, so we just stick with socks. Also, it doesn't usually get so cold here that we need more than a thick pair of socks and a blanket for the short time he will be in the cold. If it's that cold, we usually stay in... but snow is different! I knew I'd want photos of him in the snow so we had to try four different pairs of shoes we were given to find one that fit so he could stand in it. Luckily we had some.

What's this?

He started to grab it but I decided to stop him since he had no gloves and we were on the other side of our apartment complex. Maybe next year, little man.

Lupe is a goof.

Unfortunately, I don't think my wild cat appreciated it as much as we did. We tried to lure him in the apartment but he's still too feral for that.

Stache, my feral cat.

For once the snow stuck around for a few days, so on his 5 month birthday we took him outside to get some photos in all the pretty, pretty snow!

Cutie.

We wound up on our complex's playground by the end of it. First time checking it out.

He looks like a tough guy.

He better love horses like his momma.

Me and my babies!

Not how you use a merry-go-round.

Our Trip to Jemison Park

Ok, for real this time. I am going to be better about posting to this blog (she says as her baby starts fussing behind her).

I wanted to play catch-up on all the stuff I haven't posted because I'm the worst, but I guess I won't bother. At least not at this point. Needless to say, our little man is growing up!

We went for a walk at Jemison Park in Mountain Brook, AL yesterday. This was my first time going there, but not Patrick's. I had actually had a friend at church suggest the same walking trail to us, but I don't think when I mentioned it to Patrick that he got the connection (she had told me it was just past Brookwood Mall and that was all I knew).

On a creekside trail at Jemison Park

Patrick and I enjoy walking, it's cheap, it's healthy and it's a nice way to appreciate how beautiful our state is. I honestly wish we walked more but with Wiley being so little I've yet to really want to venture out on my own with just me and him.

We have a stroller (Baby Trend Encore Travel System), but it's not the fanciest and I didn't really expect it to be so great on trails (I have taken it on some gravely terrain, but mostly keep it to sidewalks and indoor places). Don't get me wrong, I really like the stroller for what we got it for. I just knew for walking trails I wanted to see about baby wearing. After much research and saving of the gift cards we were given we bought an Ergo Sport baby carrier.

We did use his stroller during the "snowpocalypse" since we didn't want to risk us slipping on ice while wearing him.

We love the Ergo. The Sport is great because it's designed to fit bigger people, like myself. I am right at the limit on the waist belt, but I'm hoping once the weather gets nicer that I might be able to get out on more walks and change that. What's great about it is that it can fit both me and my husband. While I'm reasonably tall (5'7") and my husband is semi-tall (5'11") there's about 100lbs of weight difference between us (he's tall and lanky, I'm fat). We actually went to a the local babywearing meeting and talked with them about what options were out there for us since we did need one carrier for two different shaped people. I'd wanted an Ergo from the start but didn't want to buy one without being sure we could both wear it. They also showed us a wrap carrier, which I really liked and want to get... but the Ergo was easier for us to put on (though I do think the wrap carrier gave my back better support). The thing is, I could probably get my mother in law to make us one (someday I will get a sewing machine and learn to sew, we just have no space in this apartment for one), so I hated to spend so much money on something I could buy the fabric for and make for way less.

Patrick and Wiley at the Preserve in Hoover, AL after the snowpocalypse of '14 had started to melt.

So we went to Jemison Park and had a great time walking around, we think we probably went for over 2 miles, but we're not sure. There was a lady with a stroller and right after I noticed her and her friend turn around we came upon a "foot traffic only" area of the park, a creek with concrete blocks sticking up out of it that you crossed on. I was pretty nervous because since my pregnancy I've become less than confident in my balance (I fell twice during pregnancy). I asked Patrick to venture out onto it first and see if he thought that it would be difficult for me to manage with Wiley (since we're front-wearing currently and it's not like I can look down and see my feet).

Patrick and Lupe testing the waters.

After some discussion I decided to go for it and once I stopped being super careful and slow I found it relatively easy. I managed to cross the creek twice (coming and going), so I'd say I did pretty good.

Me and Wiley crossing back over the creek.

Success!

Even Lupe managed the crossing like a champ, she's a good little dog.

Jemison Park is in Mountain Brook so there are tons of big, beautiful houses. One of the neatest houses we saw though was one that had been built to look like a mill (though it never was used as one) and had served as a tea house for years before becoming a private residence. I think it's image is also used on the seal for Mountain Brook or something to that effect. 

I wish we could live here.

But the actual creek in the actual park was also very pretty (I just opted to not get a million photos).

I guess there's not much more to say about the park. We didn't make it to the end of the trail, though when I looked at the map I couldn't figure out if we made it to the end of the park but not the end of the connected nature trail. I don't know. Either way, hopefully someday we'll be better prepared and in shape to make it the whole way. I may try to write up posts about some of the other trails we've walked on soon.