Birth and Death

I'll start off with the happy bit, the baby belly pic.

38 Weeks!

We had another ultrasound to check on Wiley's growth today, he's measuring an estimated 9.10lbs. The doctor talked to us about our options and recommended a planned c-section at the end of August. He's in position and I'm about a centimeter dilated but his head has yet to drop down into my pelvis. Patrick and I said we'd think about it and discuss it further so I'm not totally sure what's going to happen. When we left I felt like a c-section was inevitable and while I handled it better than I thought I would, I was really disappointed and had to avoid thinking too much about my fears with the surgery since that would have caused me to start crying.

I called my mom when we left and was telling her about the appointment and after I finished telling her she informed me that my paternal grandmother, Rita, passed away yesterday. 

Rita, myself and my brother

Rita was actually her grandmother name, not her real name. Well, it was her nickname in general and became her grandmother name, I didn't find out until I was older that it wasn't her real name and I was so surprised because it just fit her. Rita was a nickname she got from one of her sons when he started taking Spanish in school. He'd come home an call her "senorita" and somehow over time it just got shortened to "Rita".

Me with Rita at 10 months

Rita was such an amazing woman, my grandfather was sick (I believe with cancer) while her sons were still relatively young. I recall stories of her working two jobs, one at the courthouse and one at a doctor's office, just so she could get insurance to pay for her ailing husband with the one job and the retirement benefits from the government with the other.

Rita was always so positive, I don't remember her ever being anything but happy, honestly. I was always a bit intimidated by her as a child and I don't know if part of it was just her overall goodness. She was a devout Christian, even in the roughest of times. She was loved by everybody that knew her and a real extrovert (which overwhelmed young, introvert me). She had a strong southern accent and I remember having trouble understanding her sometimes, and I hate to say I think it kept me from getting as close to her as I wish I had. Not only did she lose her first husband, she lost her two youngest sons. My father died of cancer and his younger brother died in a car crash when I was in elementary school. I'm sure she hurt but she didn't let it hamper her love of God. She had a brain tumor the size of a softball at one point, so big the doctors were amazed she could even walk.. and she handled it beautifully and never let it dampen her spirit. Truly a remarkable, resilient woman.

Rita was diagnosed with dementia several years ago, after awhile she had to be put in the nursing home because her husband couldn't care for her the way she needed it. He woke up one night to find her outside their condo. He put a chain at the top of the door that he locked at night and one night he came out to find her attempting to use her cane to push the chain off. I recall going to eat at their condo for Christmas shortly after she was put in the nursing home. Because she was in a familiar place her memory was better, but I had to fight back tears when she asked where my uncle Tommy was. He was the youngest son that died in a car crash probably twenty years ago now. Without missing a beat my aunt and uncle told her that Tommy was at Christmas with his new girlfriend instead of reminding her he had passed. I don't know how they handled it so well because just hearing her ask broke my heart and they dealt with her much more frequently.

She fell and broke her hip a few nights ago and was taken to the hospital, while there she caught pneumonia. My aunt invited my mom to go visit her, citing that Rita was having a good day the day before. My mom was over here helping me clean the house and invited me to go with her the next morning and I told her I thought we'd be too busy taking Lupe to get discount vaccinations about 45 minutes away. We opted not to do it and I talked to my mom the next morning, but I had just taken Abel to the vet and spent all our money to get their flea medicine and dewormer and was upset to discover when we attempted to start my car that my battery had died. I told my mom I just didn't feel good, which I didn't... I was grumpy and having mild contractions. I regretted a bit not going, but I felt like it was a bad idea for me to go while 9 months pregnant because it hurts me to have to see them tell my grandmother that I'm her granddaughter and I didn't want to start crying since I'm extra emotional right now. After talking to my mom, it sounds like it's good I didn't go. Rita became agitated while my mom was there and she ended up staying there much longer than she meant to. She said you could just see the panic in Rita's eyes, how she was saying she was going to die and they began giving her morphine to calm her down. I can only imagine how I might have handled that. So I regret not seeing her one last time, but I'm trying to comfort myself with the fact it was probably for the best and that I think Rita would understand.

I hate that Wiley won't ever get to meet her, but part of me felt this whole time like one of my grandmothers wouldn't make it 'til his birth. I'm not sure why, I just felt like it would be too good to be true that they did... and honestly, I had hoped it would be Rita if either of them. Rita wasn't herself anymore, she could get mean and was paranoid. She couldn't recognize her own family, she wouldn't realize that Wiley was even her great-grandchild. He's also not her first, I so want my maternal grandmother to be around to see her first great-grandchild. So while it's sad, we can at least comfort ourselves with the thought that Rita is in Heaven and gets to be with her two sons, her late husband and all her other loved ones that have already passed on... and the best part is she can be her wonderful, happy self again.

(I'm afraid all these photos of Rita include me because they're photos I scanned and uploaded to Facebook. I wish I had some others of her, but I don't.)