Wiley has taken to rooting lately, something he really didn't do when we first had him. I don't know if it was because he was a planned c-section and came out before he was ready, but he's very alert and otherwise seems like a normal three week old to me... Ok, well, I might not be an expert on what normal three week olds are like.

Still, he keeps rooting post-feeding, he wasn't even rooting when I tried feeding him to begin with. He's been doing it lately and we have given in and fed him more some of those times, only to have him vomit it up (in all fairness, I passed him to daddy and daddy was just about to burp him after continuing to feed him when the vomit happened). I thought my milk was coming in better, that things were going better with breastfeeding... but right now I feel like they're worse. I don't know if it's because he's wanting to just get the formula, when he latches he'll unlatch within half the time he was last week... still, I tried pumping post-feeding and couldn't get anything out, so I don't know if he got everything he needed in half the time or what. Of course, now I regret not staying at the lactation support group last Thursday, but I'll go again this Thursday and hopefully they can help me. Also, his one-month checkup is coming up and I can see if his doctor still wants us supplementing with formula or not. I'm hoping not, except often I get so frustrated with breastfeeding I don't want to do it anymore.

I knew it would be hard, just not how hard. I told myself to just make it through two weeks, then a month... I'm currently at three weeks and still not sure. I feel a lot of pressure to do it, partially because I was so determined to when I found out I was pregnant. I did the research, took the classes. I know all the perks of breastfeeding and I want to give them to him so bad... but I also want to not feel miserable. I want to not be in pain physically, he's hurting my wrists and now my back is getting knotted up. It's starting to get like it was when I felt I had to quit my job at the salon. I'm wanting to go back to the salon part time, too. Just so we can catch up on bills and I can buy Wiley all the stuff he deserves and all that. He's started not latching well, or un-latching from a good latch and re-latching just on my nipple and then refusing to let go. It hurts so bad! I also feel pressure from family, though only one family member in particular. I think everybody else would understand that I'm trying my hardest and if I give up I'm making the decision because I honestly think it's what's best for me and Wiley. I mean, breastfeeding is great and I'm glad I've managed this long... but it's hard and my mental and physical well being are also important. Hopefully I can go back to the lactation support group and they can help get me back on track. I only stopped by last Thursday to weigh him and he's finally back at the 10lb mark.

I'm hoping to get a good breast pump soon... I mean, I have a Medela Harmony but I'd like an electric pump. Here's hoping we can get one.

But Wiley is laying in my lap and it's hard to type and hold him so I'm going to end by sharing a couple photos of Lupe with her baby.

Lupe loves her little boy.